"I Wonder"
I wonder... sitting here on the swing on a beautiful Saturday. I feel like half of me is missing. So close yet so far but oh so truly vital to me. I wonder...
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I wonder... how many saturdays will I sit here and try to figure out what to do next. I wonder...
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I wonder... how many days will be consumed by the idea of where you are, what your doing, what your eyes are seeing? Are you smiling on the inside too? I wonder...
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I wonder... how it is that I can be simply filled. Filled so greatly that it leaves no room for fear, anger, doubt or pain. I realize it comes from you only as you drive away and its pulled from me as if it was attached to you physically. I wonder...
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I wonder... how many people will critize, chastize and ridicule me for allowing my feelings to matter. Matter too much as they often alter my life. I wonder if they know they alter me to. I wonder...
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I wonder... how long will I simply sit and watch the world go by. I know that after hurricane winds, tsumani waves, earthquakes and desert heat - light breezes, flat seas, minute vibrations and tepid tempretures barely garner any attention at all. I wonder...
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I wonder ... that after having my heart and soul gripped so tightly by your presence, how long will it take after you let go before I will I be able to feel anything like you again. Light touches are barely felt. I wonder...
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I wonder... I wonder how long it will take for me to realize that once your gone you not coming back. I hope I figure out that I never really had you anyway. Maybe then knowing you are not returning won't be so bad. I wonder....
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I wonder... how long it will take to consider love again. It will takes as long as it takes for me to see the world in color again. This takes time. I wonder...
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I wonder... I wonder most why?...
Why the rich get richer?
Those who seem disinterested get attention, those who seem unaffected get overstimulated?
Those who value little are rewarded greatly.
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I wonder what in the world really happened here?
Who saved who?
What was given and what was removed?
Who was the gift?
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Why can't you see what I do.
What is more accurate my sight or your vision in a mirror. I wonder..
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I know... you are the gift.
I know... you saved me.
I know... you are not appreciated and treated like the beautiful woman you are should be.
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I know... I love you.
I know... you need to go.
I know... it will never be the same without you.
I know... I need to not be angry.
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I know... I never really had you.
I know... I was never really worthy anyway.
I know ... that I will never understand .
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