"Run time run..."
I know... I feel like I should be writing a a lot more than I am. It's not as if I woke up a week ago and decided that I love humanity and I am in love with my fellow brother. Hardly. I think people are still all basically superselfish drones - But the truth is that my life has not changed a lot recently.
I just wanted to say that this is a emotional weekend for me. It's been a year. Oh yea, if you live in LA don't forget that you will pretty much have 0 success getting anywhere Sunday morning. Yep that's right it the one and only, fast and fun, 26.2 through the city -the LA marathon.
Seriously, this was such a really incredible weekend for me last year. I mean really good. Your guilt and my selfish insecurities did not creep in at all. It was just an amazing, beautiful weekend for me. Fun. Exciting. Purposeful. Normal. You gave me such a gift by allowing me to be involved the way that I was. I thank you again.
Obviously, I tried to check to see if you were registered and check your bib #. I don't see your name. This to me is really really odd. I cant imagine for what reason you would not run LA, this is your 7th year.
I hope that you are happy. Deep inside. Where the part of the woman I know lives. Not the woman you might think I am referring to. No this person, that I speak about now, I did not see her very often. She is quite unique. She knows all of the same things that you do feels all of the same feelings.. but has the ability to act differently than all of the other personalities you have and do embody. This one is very unique because she is the you that exists with out fear. No fear. If you were afraid of nothing, no one, not yourself, your partner nor your friends. No fear of money, failure, hurting or offending, no fear of judgment or consequences. No fear because you have a belief system that allows this. What is that belief - well its either that there is a God or the universe or whatever - that is so powerful and omnipotent that on a large scale - its all worked out already. That its all supposed to happen exactly hows its supposed to happen and we will always be cared for and provided for in the afterlife...
or...
There is no order at all. Carbon... We are all carbon. Made of it, breathing is, eating it, expelling it. We are going to die and rot in the ground. Perfectly synced random chaos. Like a colony of ants. We are exactly like them, sometimes in great unison, sometime in abstract fear and frenzy.
Either way - there really isn't cause to hold on to fear if it serves no good purpose. Now I'm not saying to go punch a cop in the face and drive 100 mph and quit your job and go golf or swim or drink or party or fuck all day everyday - no no not like that... but the next time you make a important decision and you feel the fear crashing in and you want to be smart and right but not have your fears realized - remember, that it s all out of your control really anyway and it doesn't really matter anyhow... maybe you will do what ever is next for you with out any anxiety at all.
No one is keeping score, tracking your progress or making any judgments about you and your life. We are all too selfish to really care one way or the other... believe me'
Until then, stay insane. It just makes for a better world, believe me.
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